Get Your “Self” Out Of Your Marriage by Sonya


Photo Credit: Dreamstime


Our selfish desires and our flesh can get in the way of our marriage and what God intended for it to be. Lately I have been struggling with that, where I feel my needs are just as important or more important than my husband’s needs. I am realizing my needs can be self-centered and trying to have my husband play God to meet those needs.  In reality my husband can’t read my mind and know what I need all the time, only God can play that role. Therefore, focusing on what is in it for me can be so harmful to a marriage or any relationship.

God is in control and He wants the BEST for our marriage. I love the verse,  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” Ephesians 5:21. This verse describes what a Spirit guided marriage is. We can see that the word “self” isn’t in that verse, but how to be unselfish and submitted to the other person. This is powerful and freeing once we understand the concept. The concept being that it isn’t about us, but our calling to be a husband or a wife to our spouse. This is a calling, how can we serve that person and treat them like God’s son or daughter?  If we can learn to do our job well by being that spouse God called us to be, our selfish desires and wants are put aside because we are getting fulfilled by the Spirit and only God can do that. I have a wonderful husband of eleven years but I have to constantly keep my guard up and block my flesh for getting in the way of our relationship. If I don’t see my selfishness as a problem and let it creep into my marriage, then it can be so harmful and destroy that relationship. Also to stop putting the blame on the other person and realizing we need to work first with ourselves and let God work in your spouse’s heart.

My relationship with my husband is far too important to let sin ruin our relationship. I confess, I have to work at and not focus the blame on him. It is recognizing that I am sinful and I can’t do this without Christ. Taking my mind off of Christ can lead me right back into being selfish again and again. We are human and will make mistakes over and over, but if we can give our marriage to Christ and let Him do the work in us, what a difference that can make.