It’s that time of year where our senses are overloaded with reminders to send that special someone tokens of our affection. An open display of love and appreciation is widely celebrated for that designated day of February the 14th.
While I love the fact that we have set aside at least one day out of 12 months to show our love for others, I do realize and understand all too well the sting that some feel during this time.
My desire is to encourage those who have a “heart in waiting”. I know for me personally now approaching the YOUNG age of 25, I mean 35, life was “supposed” to look very different for me by this stage. According to the very well planned calculations I formulated in high school, I should be married and raising 4 children by now.
Funny how life takes a different spin than the one we imagine. I love the fact that among the many plans in my heart, it’s God purpose that prevails. While I’m by no means bitter, I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed. I celebrate the fact that God has allowed me to do so much more than I could have ever dreamed possible, and yet there is that one small detail of my life that remains a mystery seemingly unsolved.
So what do you do with a heart in waiting? You continue to trust God and celebrate whatever season of life He’s allowing you to experience right now. I realize that this is much easier said than done! But trust me, it’s possible!
For those of you who are waiting on God for your spouse, please continue to believe that He has His very best prepared for you! God is not teasing you or making a mockery of your single season.
I’ve had to learn to simply RELAX, and by that I mean I’ve had to learn how to let people in and take healthy risks in exploring possibilities. What I’ve learned is that you can lower your walls without lowering your standards! I always tell my friends that I was taught over and over how to guard my heart, but I never learned how to appropriately let the guards down.
When you stay connected to God’s plan for your life, you may not know every, single detail of the journey, but you can rest assured that your steps are ordered and He will not lead you astray.
As you walk out your single season, can I offer some lessons I’ve learned (and continue to learn)?
1) Don’t settle
It is far better to be with no one than with the wrong one. Don’t become so desperate for a relationship that you agree to something you know is not God’s plan for your life. Evaluate what is being presented to you. Does the man of interest have the ability to lead you spiritually? Is he able to provide for and protect you? Does his character speak well of him among those you respect? Does his life challenge you and cause you to aspire to be better?
I truly believe that God has someone amazing for me, and someone amazing for YOU. I desire to one day be fully confident that I am with the one God has ordained. Just as Eve was from Adam’s rib, so I will be to my husband and there will be no room for a spare.
2) Don’t take yourself so seriously
I tend to cause unnecessary pressure in my life when I don’t know the end result or details along the way. I have “freak out” moments when I shut down entirely and clearly this is not healthy. I’ve had to learn that God is in control and when I respond in such a way of shutting down, or freaking out as I call it, I’m surrendering myself to fear and that is not of God. I had to learn to relax and trust that God has me and He is keeping me.
It’s amazing the possibilities you’ll discover when you learn to not take everything so seriously. You’ll discover incredible things about yourself as you open up to others. It will become easier for you to identify what traits you appreciate in a guy as well as things that could be a hindrance. Determine what your personal boundaries are (and stick to them) and what your goals are in connecting with a person. There is no perfect man, just like you are not perfect. Ask yourself what is negotiable in your interests and what the deal breakers are. Above all else, I’ve had to learn to let peace be the umpire of my heart and maintain honor for God, myself and those He’s allowed to come closer to me.
3) Turn off the alarm
Come on ladies, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about, the biological clock. If we truly believe that God is guiding our lives, then we must believe that His timing for all things is perfect! I remember a few years ago (please forgive the candid conversation about to take place), I was watching TV and a celebrity had openly shared how she had her eggs frozen. She was single at the time with no prospects of a husband and she decided to better ensure her chances of pregnancy at a later time by taking more of a drastic medical approach. I remember looking at my mom and jokingly saying to her “That’s it! That’s what I need to do!” Needless to say, my mother was not the least bit amused by my brilliant plan to eventually bring her grandchildren from my womb.
I don’t bring this up to debate if this decision is right or wrong, that’s not for me to say. But I shocked myself at what I allowed to consider, if even for a moment, when I dwelled on the tick-tock of my clock.
God knows far better than I do what is best – His ways are SO much higher than my own. I’ll have what I’m supposed to have WHEN I’m supposed to have it!
4) Continue to cultivate healthy relationships
In this past season of my life God has graciously allowed me to get to know some incredible people. In particular, I was introduced to a friend that proved to me that my standards were not too high. I’ve never felt so honored, valued and esteemed. Ladies, there ARE good men out there. Do not buy into the lie that they do not exist. I’ve been blessed with the best in my male friendships and I can tell you, there are guys that will defend your honor, protect your purity and embrace the essence of who you are without asking you to compromise yourself to satisfy their needs or desires. You don’t have to know everything at once. Cherish the friendships God allows you to have and if something blossoms from it, great!
If not, you’ve lost nothing by gaining a true friend.
One of my favorite verses to refer to is in Proverbs 3:5-6. My job is trust in the Lord with ALL of my heart and don’t get caught up in what I think I understand (my personal interpretation) but in all of my ways, acknowledge Him and He’ll direct me.
So, this Valentine’s Day, don’t sulk over what you don’t have, but celebrate what you do have. Pour your love into someone else who needs encouragement. God’s got you and your precious heart in waiting.